A Beautiful Lie
by pmu
Summary: Tomorrow is the big battle and the possibility of death lingers over them both but tonight they just want to feel something, anything the other will allow. Love isn't needed, just silence and rough touches. In this moment, there is no imprint, just a need to feel wanted. Jacob and Leah will never be able to take it back as it changes everything.
1. Because you needed this

**Authors Note: **I got bribed to write this... so much for being done writing Twilight. I am writing this in a completely different style then what I used in the "The Baby Saga : Leah and Jacob" - no prose style and less angst by a milestone compared to that. So I hope you enjoy it and those who didn't like the other story find this much better to their liking. So .. new plot, new writing style and maybe some new followers and reviewers. I'm not sure how far I will go with this (chapter wise - quick and dirty or long and delicious), but lets find out together. I do know though, this will be for every blackwater fan out there who wanted Breaking Dawn to end differently.

**Set in Breaking Dawn Part 2 movie with vision being real. **

* * *

Somewhere between insults and badly placed death grips we ended up at my house.

We don't say a word, silence is best this way as you pick me up and plant my rear down onto the kitchen table. Your lips move rough against mine, parting them, and taking what you want without asking. You need this though, so I let you.

The stubble outlining your mouth scraps along my lips and now my jaw as you start to kiss down towards my neck. I inhale this moment as I take in your movement, your hands parting my legs as you fill the space between them. I feel your breath next to my ear and I wait for you to say something but nothing happens.

I reach for your face but you bat my hands away, you need control of this so I give it to you. You let your lips find mine again and push your tongue against mine; I allow it and want it at the same time. Heat travels up my neck and into my hair as you let fingers push up into my sloppy mess of hair. I push harder against your mouth, trying to match your want and need but you stop me. Fingers pulling on my hair making my head tilt back.

You step back just an inch from me and it feels like a mile. My hands reach for something different this time and you don't deny me.

Quickly I let them work at your zipper and pull you through, for a second I take you into my hand and squeeze you as you choke on air. You grit your teeth at me and I try to do it again, but you growl at me and it makes me pause. You twist a handful of my tank top in your hand and yank it over my chest and I lift my arms up for you to take it off.

It lands on the floor and I know it's now or ever to stop you – but I don't want this moment to end.

You pull me roughly off the table and yank down my shorts, the waist band of the jean material harshly scraping my skin as they stretch over the wider parts of my hips. You aren't kind and don't undue them; just a rough pull and harsh breathing as they get yanked off me. I let them fall to the ground and kick them to the side.

You add yours to the pile.

I want this though; I need this because you need this.

Right now you aren't Jacob Black. You are the wolf looking for something to feel something other than nothing. To know someone will touch you and not turn from you. _Like Sam … like Bella … _You need this and so do I. The battle is tomorrow and we may both die.

Turning me around, you bend me over, hands planted firmly on the lower of my back as you press my chest into the top of the table. There is no pause, just want as you enter me and hold nothing back. You fill me up and it hurts like hell, I've never done this. Not even with Sam.

I think you notice and this stops you as you slowly start to ease out of me, but I don't want you too.

"Jacob.." I horse out your name and push myself back against you, taking you back into me. You don't move but I need this too, just as badly as you do. To feel wanted, even if only for a night.

Finally you make a movement, and your hands move to my sides. Slowly pushing back into me, my body spreads open to take you back in. It's not bad, it's tight though. I can feel your thumbs making soft circles against my skin as you hold me in place. I don't want softness though, I just want to feel and harsh works best between us.

I don't need your love and you don't want mine.

I push back against your trust this time and your hand grip tightens on me and you get the picture. A little harder, a little faster and my nails are digging into the wooden table. I can feel a heat building in the core of loins I have only ever felt by fingers.

Suddenly I feel empty and a rush of cold air touches me all over. I try to stand up but you are having none of that, shoving my body on top of the table. I roll over onto my back as you meet me on there now. Hovering over my body, your eyes look less hollow and this time you let me hold your face and bring your lips down for a kiss.

It's all teeth as you dominate my mouth, nipping at my bottom lip, forcing your tongue into my mouth and making me follow your movements throughout the kiss. You try to pull away but I am not weak and can take it. I latch my fingers into your hair and hold your face in place as I brush my lips against yours demanding more.

You give in and it's like fire radiating through out me and I can feel tears slipping down my face. I have no idea why I am crying, maybe because tomorrow I might die or you might die and I may not love you but you and Seth are all I have.

Your hand grabs my leg and lifts it up; I follow your movement and wrap them both around your waist now. Letting go of me, you steady yourself over me and I grab hold of your cock, easing it inside me. It doesn't last long, the ease. You rock against me violently and I take it with open arms wrapped around your neck, making you smother me.

Your pace quickens and suddenly I can feel the sting of your teeth biting into my neck as you latch onto me while releasing yourself inside me.

I suck in a deep breath, telling myself not to scream, not to say a word.

And just like that, you are off me and standing away from me. I move to get off the table but a new pain grabs my attention and I suddenly realize what I have just given you. I don't regret it though. Your eyes take hold of mine and see the small amount pain in my face.

Your hands come back to me and touch me again, picking me up and cradling me against your chest.

Walking me to the bathroom, you sit me down on the toilet and turn on the shower. Steam builds up in the room and I just stare at you, your face looks so hollow, drained of all emotions. Moisture builds on your face and I don't know if it's the steam or tears.

You reach for my hand and help me into the shower. I expect you to just leave now but you don't. You join me instead and before I can even stand under the shower head to wash off small traces of blood and other things you have me backed up into the wall with arms locked around my neck and waist. Your entire body shakes and I know you are crying now.

My tears aren't far behind yours as I just hold you and let you hold me.

* * *

I watch her making her way through the crowd of wolves; she makes her stand as if it her birthright to stand next to the acting Alpha, Sam. Seth is next to her. Sam bites back at the air, giving off a warning the time is near before they attack.

I want to be there, with them but this small creature on top of me, my imprint, is weighing me down and leaving my heart out of the discussion. She is my path now and I am built to protect her.

But what about them? _What about Leah?_

Last night I took something from her, something I am ashamed of because it can never be given back. I took it from her because I needed to feel something and she let me. She has always understood my pain far greater than anyone. She once told me, _"I know it's going to be bad for you, Jacob. I understand that – maybe better than you think. I don't like her, but… she's your Sam. She's everything you want and everything you can't have. "_

How funny in the end I imprinted on the girl I was in love with daughter. Fate is rather fucked up if you think about it.

I will never forget that conversation though and how I saw her smile for the first time when I said thank you back to her. I told her maybe there was hope for her after all, that she could be more than a harpy. I smiled at her like a fool, showing my fondness for joking with her in our new relationship as friends.

"_I wasn't born a compassionless shrew. I used to be sort of nice, you know." _She fired back at me, sticking her tongue out like a child at me and even though I laughed part of me felt guilty. I guess I never knew what the pack said about her really stuck to her, she was Leah Clearwater after all. Residential smart-ass of La Push and the one girl that could break your bones. She was supposed to be tough as nails all the time; I guess I forgot she was still a girl underneath it all.

And like a match being lit, the battle sparks now.

"_Stop focusing on Leah … the past … " _

Carlisle head burns in the fire and Edward is the first to react. Bella gives me a silent plea, for me to run far away and protect Nessie at all cost. There is a look of desperation in her eyes for Nessie only – a mother's love for her daughter to live on. _"None for me , not even now as a friend. Do you hate me that much Bella because she is my imprint?"_

So I run.

I have no concept of time now as I have one goal – keep Nessie safe and get the hell out of Forks.

But I hear her, Leah!

She is crying and giving off the one sound that can me slow my pace and not think of my imprint. Our pack brother has fallen, her baby brother, Seth. I try to push forward, my paws barely moving against the snow.

Nessie grabs my fur, yelling inside my head, "Jacob!" her cry to me makes me push harder and I find my stride again, pounding against the ground and every hit my paws take hurts my soul. But now my legs feel cemented and I stumble to the ground, whining like a wounded dog.

Leah is gone.

My pack, my family… they are dead and never coming back and I was the coward who took off running because of an imprint and a promise to a mother who never truly loved me.

I am a bastard wolf.

…

"Jacob.. stop!" Nessie yells at me, her small hands grabbing tuffs of my fur and I slow my pace. Barely into Canada and we still have a lot more ground to cover.

Her phone rings inside her backpack but I can't let her answer it. Without a second thought, I slope my wolf body down as she slides off and I phase in front of her. Her eyes shut tightly at my nudity and I reach quickly for her backpack and stalk off behind a tree.

Answering it I stay silent for a moment to see who is on the other line. My heart stuck in between beats as I think of the worst.

"Jacob .. come back .. It's over!" Bella's voice rings through and a very heavy weight is suddenly lifted off my heart.

"Are you sure Bella?" I ask her, the wolf in me second guessing the safety of returning with my imprint in hand.

"Yes .. we killed them all Jacob … please bring back my daughter." She begs me now like any mother would. She was a shitty friend but is a good mother.

"Okay." I hang up the phone and drop it back in the backpack. Morphing back into my wolf I step back out from behind the tree and see Nessie. She walks up to me and touches my face with both her hands and I know she is seeing the conversation I just had with her mother. Her soft smile and bright eyes sooth my soul for a moment as everything about her is innocent and she is possible the only person on this earth who loves me.

Even if it's forced somewhat.

It doesn't matter though, she is my imprint, she is my Nessie and I was built for her.

"Let's go home Jacob." She whispers to me and just like that I fall back into thinking of Seth … Leah… and how I abandoned them.

* * *

Soon as I hit the Cullen's mansion, Bella and Edward are already waiting for me and Nessie with opens arms for their daughter only.

I look around note some are missing, only Emmett and Rose are still standing. Hands interlaced and faces filled with sorrow. How many more did they lose? _Where is Jasper, Alice and Esme?_

"Jacob." Edward speaks to me, I turn my gaze to him as I figured like always he heard my thoughts. He always does.

"Alice and Esme are working through their .. emotions. We lost Jasper as well." He tells me but the only thought racing through me is now how many more wolves died after I became disconnected from it all, running from the fight like a traitor?

"Collin did not make it." he tells me bluntly but I can feel empathy from him as he holds his family in his arms. Nessie wrapped around him as he holds her up in one arm and Bella at his other side, her long arms draping around his free one. "I am sorry Jacob … but thank you, for keeping Renesmee safe. Me and Bella owe you are lives."

No amount of soft words will sugar coat what I did though – I ran from my people, my tribe, my pack – everyone I was suppose to protect.

I need to be with them now, even if they hate me. I should be the one to tell Sue about Seth … Leah.. not Sam.

"I need to leave." I tell him and he knows why, the presence of him still lingering inside my head is heavy.

He nods his head yes.

"Jacob don't go." Her fragile voice blocks my body from moving, and soon those semi warm hands are wrapped around my neck as she hugs me like a teddy bear. "Please don't go… I don't want you to get hurt. " she cries against my fur. I am her best friend, her only friend outside her family and we have a bond no one can understand.

Well maybe Quill and Claire.

"Renesmee, you have to let Jacob go. He needs to go see his family now, it's very important they know he is alive like it was for me and you father to know nothing happened to you. He will be back though." Bella's voice soothes her for a moment and somehow my heart as well, it's amazing what a mother's voice can do.

Nessie moves her hands to the side of my face, her small nose touching my wet cold one as she leans forward , "Promise?" she ask me. I nudge her softly and she giggles. "Okay. See you in a little while."

Bella grabs her hand and walks her back into the house, she turns her head back for a moment and looks me in the face. She mouths something to me, and I know it's "thank you." It's genuine and warm as she smiles afterwards.

But it's gone within seconds just like she is, back inside their empty home with her new family and me far from her thoughts.

* * *

The walk back to my house was heavy but not as heavy as the look on my father's face right now.

I walk up to him kissing my wolf body goodbye before entering the house. I fall to my knees next to his wheelchair as I rest my cheek on his leg and his hand crushes my shoulder as he stays silent. We haven't been close for a while, not since my mother died, not since I became a wolf and not since I shamed him by giving up the Alpha right.

My birth right.

"Jacob … my son… you are alive ..." He finally chokes out in soothing whisper the lifts my chest to take a deep breath and embrace his words, his love for me.

Emotions roll through me and I feel small and less like a man. His fingers push harder on my muscles, squeezing my shoulder, "It is your duty to go to Sue. Sam knows that, he is with Collins mother right now." he tells me, regaining his normal voice and once again back into the role of man who is one of the leaders of our tribe.

Always the tribe first, me second. But this one time, I will not fight him because he is right.

"What do I say?" I ask him, searching his eyes for some wise answers.

"The truth even if it hurts."

I rise up and move to my room, restoring the silence between us.

I take longer than needed to get dressed. I watch myself in the mirror and all I see is Leah, every inch of my skin that was touched by hers. Walking up to the mirror I press my fingers against my skin, under my eyes and push them down in the hollow part of my cheeks. Dark shadows under my eyes make it looks worse, my eyes and cheek more sunken in then they are.

I am so tired.

My rich russet skin losing its color and even my eyes look dull and lifeless now with nothing left to give.

I wonder if I looked this hollow to her. _Leah.. _

I have no appetite now, I haven't for the past month really. Just eating what Esme would give to us and even then I would give my share to Seth and tell him I hunted when on patrol. Leah was how I survived if I was to be honest, she would force me to eat part of her kill when she saw me. She refused to take food from Esme, a vampire, and instead lived off the land.

"Leah.." my fingers trail to my lips and I can feel a tremble climbing through my body but I will be strong today and not cry. I took enough from her but I will not cry over her name, I will remember her and honor her.

I will be strong for Leah.

I will be strong for Seth.

* * *

**Quick Note: **I know you are wondering how will this be Leah/Jacob when Leah is gone? Have no fear dear readers! My plots know no boundaries - so trust me you are good hands. Also you can find all banners for all my stories linked on my profile.


	2. Goodbyes and Bad Memories

**Authors Note: Sorry for the delay in updating, but I promise to make the next one quicker. I hope you guys enjoy this one. And for those who want a wam bam she is back, well you're just going to have to wait a few more chapters. But I promise the sun will shine for Leah Clearwater but at the right time and the right place.**

**Also I did twist some of the facts of the "battle" to better help tell the story. So not everything is 100% accurate - but hey, it's fiction love!**

* * *

Sue's front door looked weathered and fragile, my hand failed to knock on it as I just stand in front of it. Hoping she isn't home or that she is and she already knows.

That her mother's initiation has kicked in, giving her the sickening feeling that her babies are gone. Her love for Leah finally showing as she grieves for her, that same love that was always on display for Seth. It was just always on hold towards Leah for the sake of the tribe.

I hear the sound of floor boards cracking by the door, the weight of something moving along them and coming closer to the door.

I can smell her, hear her breathing now. The palm of my hand touches the door and I know she is leaning against the other side.

"Sue…"

"Seth didn't come home. Leah isn't answering her phone." She tells me and she doesn't sound the same. She knows now, me being here is confirmation.

"I am so sorry… I never .. " I can't even finish my words now.

"You took my babies away from me Jacob Black. You are never allowed to step foot in this house." The volume of her voice is low but a treat is weaved in there. She has every right.

"I wish it was me and not them. Goodbye Sue." I reply back, wishing I had the strength to just open the door and hug the woman. Tell her I was sorry to her face and tell her the truth of it all. I guess taking the blame for it all, giving her something to hate, to hate me, would ease the guilt inside myself? It's selfish I know.

I turn around, walk down the four steps off her front porch, before I can hit the dirt path with no grass I hear the door open.

I turn to look back at her.

Hair down and wild, eyes with no life left in them and a face just as hollow as mine.

"I have no bodies to bury. You have taken everything from me. I can never forgive you. I hope she was worth it." And with the last bit of courage she has, she turns on her heels and slams the door on me. Not a single tear went down her face.

I'm not sure if she was taking aim at Nessie, a child she seems to have loved right along with Charlie or was it meant for Bella?

I am a fucking bastard either way.

* * *

I know coming back here to the battle field makes no difference. The damage is already done.

Staring down into the black hole created a by vampire on our side, I can't even imagine how deep it is. How far did she fall before she hit something and died? Did she feel it? Or did she pass out before the impact?

And Seth? What happened to his body? I'm not sure I will sleep tonight without hearing his screams inside my head as he died.

And Leah, her last words will haunt me till I die. _"Jacob!"_ I want to go down there and find her body, give something back to Sue.

"Seth died in his wolf form. They trampled over his body during the fight, ripping him into piece. His remains will be burned tomorrow at the beach shore along with Collins body. A warriors passage into the afterlife."

I'm amazed at how large he is, yet even in human form he can sneak up on someone. I turn to look at Sam and looks like hell as well. I wonder if Collin's mother was any better then Sue?

"Who killed him?" I feel like I need to know.

"Jane, after he killed her brother. He took down five of them. He fought bravely, you would have been proud."

_That's right, would have if I was here but I wasn't._

"And Leah?" I ask abruptly, fighting back the sob inside my body as I look back down into the large gapping horizontal crack in the ground that I know took her from this world. I felt it in my head, her voice echoed off the walls as she went to her death.

I hate her last word was my name.

"Jane got her. But she fought through it, even with two vamps hanging on her. So she took them down with her." His eyes avert to the black hole for a moment.

"Why would she do that?! She was smarter than all of us in fighting tactics, she would never throw herself out like!" And the sob I was fighting back is gone now and all I have left is rage.

"She died a warriors death!" His tone reaches a new level as he snaps at me with slight resentment for speaking ill of Leah.

"Jane was going to kill her like she killed Seth. She sacrificed herself and even saved Esme as she latched onto one trying to kill her from behind." The volume of his voice drops and I feel the weight of his hand clamping down on my shoulder as I stare him in the face.

"Did you feel it?" I ask him, biting the inside of my mouth as the anger in me bubbles over that Leah would be that stupid. Her life was more important than Esme.

"Yes." Figures he would. He did love her, not like Emily but that door was never completely closed on them.

"Who got Jane?" I ask, aiming my emotions on a easier target.

"She killed Seth, Jasper and aided in Leah's death. Alice feed her to me. She felt much pain before she was burned. I can promise you that Jacob."

"Her body is down there Sam. Sue deserves to have a body buried."

"Jacob … there is no end to this hole, only lava. There is nothing. " And I can feel the empathy in his voice as he tries to hold it together, to hold back the rage and tears.

"No! I will not accept that… she is down there." I scream at him. My hands push against his chest and he lets me do this, I know. "Leah deserves this! After what the world did to her … you .. and even me!" I rage out towards him.

"Jacob. There is nothing. Esme went back and looked." He tells me and I step back from him and refuse to believe his words.

Before I can phase and run or throw myself down the hole to join her, I feel the weight of Sam, a man who guided me through my first phase and later tried to kill me, just holds me.

Tears fall easy as I let it go.

"We are pack brothers. Come back home Jacob." He tells me before pulling away but I can't stop the tears falling. My knees hit the ground and I stare down into the snow. I can hear him phase before he takes off, he knows I need this moment to be alone and grieve for my pack that died, for them both.

I guess I wasn't meant to be a leader after all.

* * *

A soft knock on my bedroom door pulls me from doing something, a new fascination on an object I have that is easing the pain inside my body for a moment. Slipping it back into my front pocket for safe keeping I take a deep breath.

"Jacob it's Bella on the phone." I hear my father on the other side of my door. But I refuse to answer it, that call. She has been calling me for over an hour and I am ignoring her because digesting the aftermath that took Seth and Leah away from me is harder than when she told me she was marrying Edward.

It's not easy though, ignoring the link to her – Nessie. I want to see Nessie and hold her. Read her a story and watch her sleep while I know she is safe and sound. The wolf in me wants to phase and lay on her floor as she dreams happy thoughts while tucked safely into her bed.

I feel like I am ripping myself into two.

"Okay." I answer back. Looks like the imprint is winning out tonight.

Opening the door I take the phone from my father. "Jacob.. Nessie is worried about you." Her voice is soft but serious at the notion I am hurting her daughter. "I need to be alone … I just need a moment .. this night." I tell her.

"I think there is something wrong with her Jacob. Can you come over for a moment?" she ask me and already I know the answer is yes because Nessie is my imprint and I can't sleep if I know she is not well.

"Tell her I am coming." I hang up the phone before she can reply, it's better this way.

Pulling the object back out, I hold it in the palm of my hand and it's the most precious thing in the world to me – besides Nessie because nothing can compare to an imprint.

Not now that _**she**_ is gone.

Shoving the item back down into my pocket I grab my keys for the beat up red rabbit and take off to my imprint.

…

She is there waiting on me, curled up on the sofa in her mother's arm. She looks sick and frail, her small child hands curled up against her chest. Parts of her hair matted and sticking to her round face.

"Jacob .. she is getting worse." Bella whispers to me while Nessie struggles in her sleep to just breathe. The look of pain in Bella's eyes is clear and evident of a mother's undying love for their child.

"Bella .. what is going on?" I ask and already I feel like the world is crashing down on me, seeing my imprint in pain is new for me. I'm not sure how to handle this emotion. Moving next to them, I take Nessie from her arms and her body for the first time feels cold, completely cold.

"I'm not sure … I don't know… Edward is researching and trying to figure things out, Alice and Esme went out and brought Nahuel back to help since he has the same genetic makeup as her." She tries to stay strong, the words fly from her mouth to fast and she has no grace right now. She looks human as she fumbles around the room in circles.

Just in a very unnatural speed.

"Jacob.." Nessie stirs against me and I put on my best fake smile for her.

"Hey little one… look who is very human right now?" I try to entertain her and make her smile.

"I hurt all over but mostly my heart." She tells me.

"How about I tell you a story and when you wake up, this will be just a bad memory." I whisper softly against her forehead before placing a kiss on it.

"You're nice and warm." She tells me, eyes closing and she is out like a light.

"Edward. Did you find anything? What is wrong with her?" Bella's body moves up against Edwards before he can even touch the floor from the last step. Her hands clutching to his open jacket as she keeps him grounded next to her.

"Nahuel's growth did not accelerate like Nessie's, he only stopped once he reached maturity in the normal flow of years. We think because of her fast growth, the venom is slowing taking over her body and killing her. It's no longer balanced. Or she is preparing for her final growth and that may make her lose her human side."

Bella's hand slips quickly across Edwards face, I could see it coming before it happened and so did he. He was letting her, this was her child, their child.

And my imprint.

"No! She will not die and she will not lose her humanity because we will fix this!" her voice dials up and Nessie stirs against me. Bella notes it and is already reaching to pull her from my arms. I give off a warning growl out of instinct.

A need to protect and hold my imprint.

"Jacob, give me my daughter." She orders me and there is the very Bella who fought me after I told her I imprinted on her daughter. I can feel the anger rolling off her and see the black building in her eyes. She tried to take her from me then, this time the tables are turned and I will not hold back.

"No. You're not stable."

"Bella!" Edward pulls her back. It's like a tornado watching him spin her body and making her face the glass wall by the front door. "Look at your eyes." He tells her softly but his grip is firm against her forearms. She looks frozen in time as she sees herself, her reflection stunning her.

Edward's hands unlatch themselves from her. She turns around and faces me. I steady myself as she shimmers next to me before I can blink my eyes.

"I'm sorry … I need to hunt .. run." She tries to stay focused but I know she means it because already her eyes look less black but she is still fighting it. "Thank you for loving her." She whispers to me, pulling me and Nessie into her arms.

And now I'm left standing alone with my imprint as Bella makes good on her word and leaves to do what she needs with Edward in hand.

…

Walking through the house with Nessie in my arms seams to calm her and it lifts the pain inside me for a fraction. Her breathing is less labored and the coldness of her skin isn't biting mine as much. She is either gaining back some of her human warmth or mine is masking the reality of her situation.

Nearing her room something catches me off guard, a rich smell that doesn't belong to vampire or myself – creamy vanilla.

But my focus remains on Nessie and nothing is pulling me away from her. Moving her into her room here at the mansion, Edwards old room. I lay her down in her over-sized and far to extravagant bed. She makes a moan of protest but quickly settles into place with her comforter pulled around her and a stuffed toy place inside her arms.

"_A stuff red wolf given to her by Blondie– ironic asshole." _

Making myself comfortable in the chair next to her bed I reach down into my front pocket and look at the small object in my hand – unfolding the edges I see a picture of a very young three year old Leah struggling to hold her infant brother Seth. She is smiling and missing a tooth. Her eyes are bright and so beautiful. On the back was a note written to them from their father.

"_You two are my greatest accomplishments in the world. Always protect each other and may the Gods bless you with a life that is worthy of being written about." _

She carried this everywhere with her, it's worn out and the color is fading. The ink is smudged but I can see where she has traced over to keep the words alive in her heart. When I found her clothes in the forest, before she phased for the last time I knew it would be there in her back pocket.

She loved Seth very much and felt at times he was all she had left rather he liked it or not. Their father was dead and their mother was not someone she ran too, that relationship was trickery then the Sam and Emily debacle.

So I took the picture and keep it. It is now the only piece I have left of them both and I can't lose it. I don't want to ever forget them and I need this to guide me, to never make the same mistake I made early today.

Closing my eyes I lean back in the chair and snippets of the previous night flood my head.

"_You are an idiot if you think I will just roll over and go back to Sam's pack!" She throws the words into my face between an ugly scowl and a low growl warning. _

"_There is no choice Leah. After the battle is over, I have to leave with Nessie. It's not safe here anymore, not for her. She is changing and what if another coven finds her threatening." And so quickly – I'm already yelling at her. _

"_Stop hiding behind your fucking imprint!" _

"_I am not hiding, I am protecting." And that yelling now twists into a nasty growl coming off my chest at the notion of her insulting my imprint, threatening my imprint. _

"_So what? Just going to bail out Alpha? Let the Cullen's tuck you away somewhere nice with her while me and Seth get shoved back off into Sam's pack after we left them?! So we can be placed at the bottom as the new punching bags?" She hisses at me, her body coming closer to mine as she stalks me._

"_Sam will not do that!" I move beyond yelling and now roar at her. _

"_That is the dynamic of a pack!" She screams back at me and my body moves up against hers, my face leaning down towards her and the vibration of anger moves through my body at a new rate. _

"_Then I will come back after she is done growing!" and I can see a string of fear starting to move through her unbreakable cockiness. The space between us is small now and it reminds me of how I would invade Bella's space but Leah isn't fighting it or wanting me to leave._

_She is fighting to keep me here. _

"_And how long will that take?" her words are slick and I can feel touches of her saliva hitting the corner of my mouth. _

_Creamy vanilla invades my smell. It's something I haven't notice about her before. There is no forest smell, no sweat and dirt, no vampire – just **creamy vanilla**, __like cake icing__. _

_And I want to lick it off. _

_The cable inside me twists a little harder, like a tight coil. The bolt at the end of that cable drives a little more into my heart reminding me I have an imprint and Leah is not her._

_But Leah doesn't it feel it, my bond to my imprint. _

_She only felt that brief moment of primal lust. A need to be wanted and being wanted wasn't common with us, problem is she still feels it and I don't. The pull of an imprint in the end will always outweigh anything else. So why do her lips look so good? _

_She doesn't hesitate and her body is like fire against mine. I have never felt the skin of someone like my own kind pressed against me like this. Every inch of her front is pressed against mine. The tilt of her head exposing the curve of her neck and I can see the slight bulge along the side of her neck from her jugular. The way it moves, mimicking her heartbeat._

_It's like a calling to the animal inside me. _

_All I see now is her lips. All I feel now is her lips against mine._

_I can't part mine though and this only angers her. She pulls back from me and I can see a fire of anger in those big eyes. She looks repulsed and her hands press against my chest, throwing my body against anything that stood behind me. _

_I take the impact and react. The wolf in me reacts._

_And he wants Leah and to feel something. _

Phasing out of my memory dream I feel the touch of my finger on my lips and Leah is the only name that lingers on my tongue.

* * *

Hope you guys enjoyed it, more to come soon! And don't forget to leave the story some leave. They are always read, welcomed, and appreciated.


	3. God Forsaken Night

**Authors Note: Stuff is about to get exciting! Thanks to everyone has been reviewing and enjoy this new take on writing I am doing, means a lot to me! So support your #blackwater and your fellow #blackwaterlover by reviewing and tweeting ALL blackwater fics you love and fav! Keep this ship alive.**

* * *

"Edward … what are you doing?" I look back at my wife, blood still staining her once delicate mouth.

I look back once again at our cabin with hopefully eyes and a prying mind.

"Nothing .. " I let a meager smile touch my face. Some things are better left unsaid and pushed away in the dark. She holds her hand out for me and I go to her like a magnet, even in her vamperish form she still holds this pull over me. It's no longer the smell of her blood or the beat of her heart but her alone.

I take hold of her hand and still revel how amazing it is, that I no longer have to hold back when I touch her.

"Let's just walk, be human for a moment." I ask her and she smiles at my request. If I could sneak into her mind, I'm sure I would hear thoughts of love and lust right now at our time alone. We have yet to celebrate our survival, but did we really survive?

Carlisle and Jasper are gone and Nessie is still not out of the woods. Maybe Jacob being there is helping or maybe without my brooding nature as my coven calls it, has led Nahuel to figure something out to help us.

* * *

"Jacob. You are still here?" the outsider peeks into Nessie's room.

"Why wouldn't I be?" my defense mechanism kicks.

"I mean no harm." His voice is calm and his heart rest easy in human pace.

"Then why ask?" I sneer at him, putting my body next to his.

"I just thought you might it difficult to stay here with your pack grieving." He asks me, his eyes are kind and the wolf in me senses the truth in his voice but it doesn't stop the whelp of pain over taking my heart right now.

"I have no pack." I say bitterly.

"But you do, the rest who survive. They are part of your tribe, no?"

"What would you know of packs and tribe?" The anger in me starts to swell and I use my body to push his out of Nessie's doorway. The grip of my hand finds his neck and his back finds the wall. "Do not fight me Jacob, I am stronger then you while you are in this form." His hands lay softly over my wrist."Yeah, well I'm angrier." I prove that point by squeezing his neck a little harder.

"I know, but starting a fight with me will not fix Nessie or help you face your real demons." The wall behind him cracks as I push his body further into it. His hands pry my grip from his neck, his fist tears against my chest, sending me flying backwards. The stair railings snap like twigs against my body as I come crashing down to the floor below. I can feel the marble floor breaking apart against my back.

Before I can react, I look up to see him with his hand extended out towards me. "You forget Jacob, I am native, I was raised in the tribal ways." His long black hair falls forwarded over his shoulders but it makes no difference. He is not me and knows nothing of me.

I lift myself up and brush away his hand, "Then why are you not with them now, proud native man?" My shoulder hits against his and he stumbles a few steps back as I head for the front door. I need to get out of here, I need to run.

"Because I am the outsider. Unlike you, I can't return or live amongst them." his soft manner finally breaks and a harder tone comes through. I now see a glimpse of the man he is under his skin.

"Not my problem." I turn back to glance at him.

"They don't hate you. Imprinting on Nessie was not your fault."

"What the hell did you say?" I blurt out, swinging my body around to look him dead in the face.

"I know why you are running from them, Nessie told me." And that is a blow to my mental state I cannot handle right now. "When I touched her hand, all those images came flooding through my head. The fall of the original pack, Sam making amends with you and the inside of your head when Seth died … when Le.. "

"Do not say her name!" and finally the beast comes out.

I phase and take charge at the man but before I can touch him a cold body hits against mine.

"Jacob stop it… he is here to help Nessie.." Alice's voice hits my ears. So easily I toss her to the side, snapping at her, warning her to try that again as she lands gracefully in a standing pose. "Jasper died to keep her safe! Do not make his death worthless!" she cries out to me and the human side of me knows she is right but the animal in me is locked on killing the male hybrid.

"Jacob I am not your enemy, I am more like you then you are willing to see! I was taken away from my tribe by the very person who created me. I am the forever outcast of them. So do not act as if you are the only one who lost something."

"Jacob please.." the pixie vamp begs me now, putting her body now in front of his with arms out wide.

So I do the one thing I am good at, the only thing.

I run.

…

Three hours later I walk through the house with cut off shorts and my temper finally below anger and death.

I see Emmett laying down pieces of marble in the spot next to the steps where my body creating a hole. He looks at me and gives me a shrug of the shoulders, "Shit happens man. And this isn't the first time the floor has suffered from it."

"Sorry." I mutter back to him. Out of all the vamps, he is the most tolerable. I guess I could call him a friend. Rose comes walking down the steps with a murderous look on her face and nose up high; she walks right up to me and pokes me in the chest with her finger. It's like getting a nail driven inside my chest.

"Stop breaking things. Nessie is awake and asking for you." She tells me and I am for once scared of her. She is like a blonde vampire version of _Leah_ …

"Is she any better?" I ask, I need to know before I walk up there.

"She will be when she sees you." Bella's voice hits my heart and I look at the steps to see her and Edward walking down.

I rush past them all and go to my imprint.

Walking into her room I calm my heart and put on a fake smile, climb into the bed and gather her into my arms. Her body is colder then I last remember, her chubby fingers still hold her stuffed wolf.

"Jacob." She whimpers out, "I'm here." I tell her softly, placing a soft kiss on the top of her head and just rock her. "Tell me a story about Leah. I know you're hurting over her." Her words shock me but I can't say no to her, not now, not ever. She lets her magic work on me and I see inside her head, images of me holding the picture of Leah and Seth that is now tucked safely away inside my front pocket.

I didn't know the imprint worked both ways, I thought only I could feel her pain and but it seems she can feel mine. But she also is doing the same thing I would do, she is trying to ease my pain, take it away. I guess imprinting isn't as fucked up as I thought it was.

"Ok little squirt but this is between us. Leah would come down from heaven and kill me if she knew I was telling you. So no sharing with anyone." I tease her, trying to joke through what is going to be the worst night of my life. "Ok, I was 10 and she was 15 and stuck babysitting me."

… "_Jacob you little shit! I'm going to kill you when I find you and you better hope I do because if your dad finds out I lost you and I get punished for it you better believe my wrath is going to be on the level of hell." _

_I watched her from above and just snickered at how funny she looked from up here, less scary indeed!_

"_Catch me if you can!" I scream out to her. After watching Tarzan for the 5__th__ time I was sure I could be the next one and master tree swinging moves. I was after all already an expert in tree climbing. Letting go of the tree trunk I hop over to a branch and grab hold of the branch above my head. _

"_Presto!" _

"_I swear to God Jacob, you better climb your ass down now! Play time is over." She yells at me, eyes clamped on me and finger pointed down at the ground. Man she is ugly when she tries to be "mom" like. _

_I look over the tree next to me and it's easily in swinging jumping move for sure! Swinging my legs forwarded I let go and reach forward for the other branch sticking out. Soon as my fingers grab it I feel like I'm on top of the world but .. _

"_Jacob!" her voice rings inside my ears._

… _all good things come to an end and the branch snaps and down I go! _

_But I never hit the ground; instead I land painfully in Leah's arms as she hits the ground….. _

"What happened to Leah?!" Nessie voice pulls me out of my story telling mode and I look down at her. "She broke her arm but didn't tell my dad it was my fault. Instead she made me her personal slave while she had on that cast."

"Wow… she really cared about you."

"She did I guess, I guess I forgot about that as we got older. But she was there for me when my mom died and I think she was just trying to protect me from my dad that day. It was shortly after my mom died." I tell her, looking down at her and catching her eyes starting to close again.

"What did she tell your dad then?"

"That we were playing tag and she tripped over a tree root."

Nessie lets out a yawn and I know she is in dream land now and part of me is feeling calmer at remembering Leah before giant wolves and sparkle vamps came into our lives. And now I am the one yawning and letting sleep finally take over.

* * *

"Nessie!... oh God… Nessie!" I scream out loud as I find myself alone in her bed.

Running out the door and down the stairs I rush into Carlisle medical make shift room and find the entire coven surrounding her. Bella slumped over holding her hand to her face. Edward is no better, standing next to table that she lays on, holding up her arm and palm of her hand pressed to his face.

No heartbeat!

But I didn't feel it; I should have felt it… something!

"Is she .. no … something isn't right.." I scream and find tears running down my face. I try to move forwarded, to touch her but I'm stopped. Emmett and Rose holding me back by my arms as I slump to my knees.

"She is gone … she's gone…" Alice mumbles but all I see is motions of blurs as more tears take over.

"No! She isn't gone, she can still come back.. like I did!" Bella screams at her.

"How?! … I don't feel it .. I should have felt the cable break!" I yell at them, breaking free or they just felt bad for me and let me go. I fall forwarded and hit the ground, stumbling to get to my feet I move to Nessie's body.

She looks different, she looks like an adult and she is beautiful.

Her final change, this is her forever look.

"Tell me she isn't gone!" Edward finally cracks and reaches for me, his body slumping against mine as his hands clamp on my shoulders. He falls to his knees, begging me, asking me to tell him she isn't gone. Not his baby girl.

"I … didn't feel it.. everything is still there.." I fumble over my words with eyes fixed on Nessie.

* * *

Hours past by and no can say anything, all we can do is sit and wait. Each and every one of us.

Esme tries to keep herself busy, cooking food and bringing it to me and Nahuel but I have no appetite. No one is leaving the house, not until we know for sure. Not until she turns into stone or opens those eyes.

Moving from the den area I move into the kitchen, looking for solitude to gather my thoughts. Nothing about this makes sense.

"Jacob." I find Nahuel still sitting at the island playing with his food, twirling his fork around in it. A huge pot of pasta and sauce in front of him.

"Do not lecture me or tell me how you are like me because you are not." I warn him, taking a seat across from him and dumping the pasta into the plate in front of me. I'm not hungry but in no mood to talk to him.

He nods his head and the silence begins between us.

…

"If she wakes and nothing human remains in her will you still stay?" I look up from my food that I have been staring at for thirty minutes, his voice breaking the silence.

"She is my imprint."

"But she will be different, no?" he ask me.

"It doesn't matter…. Why the hell do you even care?" I narrow my eyes at him, shoving my plate away from me.

"Because I was her, I am her and you at the same time. I am the outsider, native but no tribe because they knew what I was. I was cast away along with Aunt. So if she is fully a vampire, will your wolf instincts, tribe teachings allow you to hate her now and push her away?"

"Fuck you Nahuel." The rage inside me boils to the surface. Getting up from the table I turn around to leave and find him blocking my path.

"I didn't mean to offend you, I am just trying to understand the dynamics of this all."

"You have no idea what I have given up for her."

"A lot, she has shown me but also I know they still love you based on what Sam has said."

And just like that, I snap and let my right fist find his face. "Go to hell." This time his body hits the ground. I step over him and walk away. Moving back into the den I just stare at Alice, daring her to say something but she doesn't this time. Instead she remains seated on the sofa with lips sealed.

Looking up at the steps, I smell something again, something I did early.

"Vanilla … sweet creamy vanilla.." I tell myself softly, scrunching up my nose to inhale it again but harder and longer this time.

But this time, it isn't up there but down here.

"Jacob?" Edward breaks my banter, but his face is anything but surprised.. "What is that?" I ask him flatly.

But before he can answer, before I can threaten him I hear a heartbeat. We all hear a heartbeat.

"Nessie!"

* * *

**Quick Note: So what did you guys think? I thought this was a pretty good chapter for what it's about to lead up to. Also as for Nahuel and Jacob - there isn't much on the guy, so I'm just doing my own thing with him. So I thought it would be a good twist if his own tribe disowned him for being a vampire, this he is native but with no tribe and hates it, hates that the person who created him did this to him. It makes him broken and kind of like Jacob, being the outsider. **

**And my fellow Leah lovers, I hope you enjoyed her little (but very important)spotlight in this chapter. I will tell you the lovely Leah Clearwater will hit center stage next chapter (but how ? you will just have to wait and find out). **

**Read and Review as always. **

** pmu **


	4. Fully Exposed

**Authors Note: #feelings are in overload ... enjoy. **

* * *

"You aren't the only who is hurting right now." I try to fight back, hold my ground against the woman in the room.

I don't know how this fight started or maybe it's been brewing since she opened her eyes three days ago. When we heard that heartbeat, we thought it was Nessie and some unexplained supernatural fluke that brought her back to us like she was before.

We were wrong.

Instead we found Leah feeding on her in the corner of the room. Leah with a rapid beating heart as she sucked down Nessie's fresh venom with blood shot eyes.

"Have you lost the things I have lost?" Her words punch a hole through my heart, "Do you know how incomplete I feel?" Fear grows inside me now because it's like she is slipping away from me and I'm not sure if I can survive her second death.

Her perfect, barely colored fingers clutch a photo I thought would help bring her back to me, her family. Those long lashes hide her hollow red eyes; she can't even look at me now. If she could produce tears I'm sure I would see them now.

"Let me help you." I beg her and she turns her back on me, the photo falls from her hand. Her heartbeat is no longer an echo, it barely beats now. Her humanity is fading. Edward said their human blood lingers for the first few months. It's why newborns are physically stronger. But hers will be gone in days.

"Leah.." I whisper her name.

It was a miracle she survived the transformation, even if no one is sure how it will end once it's all said and done.

Her fingers pull down the curtains, the metal bar crashes into the floor and the silky material piles around her feet. Pieces of the wall are gone from the missing hinges now.

"Look at me!" She screams at me. She looks almost colorless as the sun consumes her body and every inch of her exposed skin shines like a diamond.

I make my way to her, picking up the picture, "No.", she tells me before I can even give it back to her. "I can't look at it … everything inside me is too amplified." I reach out and grab her hand, placing the picture against her palm; the warmth is barely there now. "Then use it to remember your humanity. There are still people here, who love you." She pulls her hand away from my hold with ease.

"Don't shut us out!" I finally snap at her.

"What do you want Jacob? I'm a fucking vampire, the one thing I was created to destroy. The only thing in life I was good at, the only thing I had left in my life that didn't turn to shit."

"Then what about me?" I scream back at her.

"Go find your imprint before I do unless you want me to drain her dry this time? Maybe she will die this time if there is no venom left inside her." She fires back, looking for a switch to my fuse box – to make me hate her as much as she hates herself.

"Do not bring her into this!" And that cable that now ties me to the earth, tightens inside my chest at the mere treat against my imprint. Even though she is full vampire now, the laws of imprinting have not changed and I'm still tied to her.

"How are you still her imprint? She is dead!" Something inside me explodes and Leah is my target. My fingers dig into her skin, somehow it's still soft and so human. I bring her body against mine, my free hand twist into her hair, "Shut up!", I grunt at her, lip curled and teeth showing.

I want to rip her apart but I don't.

I crush my lips against her, she fights me, I pull harder on her hair and she opens her little mouth for me. My mouth moves against hers, I want to suffocate her and make her feel what I am trying to give her.

Me.

I let go of her lips and she looks at me with confusion, "Jacob … ", she says my name with fear and I crush her body against mine. I don't feel the weight of her arms against my back but it doesn't matter, she isn't fighting me now. So if I hold her and she does nothing, I will take it like a greedy bastard.

"I can still feel her …. inside me. She wants to tear me apart." Her words make my heart stop. I know what she is talking about. Her wolf, it's at odds with what she is now.

"Edward thinks if you phase, it will kill you based on the venom alone. You were bitten in human form, not wolf."

And so easily Leah breaks apart from me.

"He should have left me there for dead." Leah snaps back at me, anger explodes inside my body. My hands clamp down on her arms, my body pushes her, traps her against the glass window.

"He did it for me!" I yell at her, her lips less than an inch away from mine.

"I'm not your imprint!" She fires back.

"I don't care Leah .. " I whisper to her and those ruby eyes go wide with panic. "Jacob .." She hiccups my name and I move in to claim her lips.

"_Jacob…" _I hear my name, but I'm willing myself to ignore it. Just focus on the lips next to mine, not the twisting metal cable inside my heart.

* * *

I watched her in the distance, curled up on her father's piano bench. Knees tucked under her chin and arms wrapped tightly around her legs. She doesn't breathe, doesn't need too now. I keep waiting though, for her mouth to open and exhale. For her eyes to blink … for something … anything human left inside her but it's not going to happen.

Her skin is porcelain white and her cheeks don't carry that pink tint anymore. Her features are sharpened, there are no more soft round edges. She isn't a little girl anymore. Her hair seams more red now or maybe it's the paler skin that makes it look brighter?

I know she can smell me, I know she can feel my eyes on her but she is giving me nothing.

"Hey." I finally break the silence between us.

Her eyes wavering up to mine, no longer green but golden now like the rest of them. ".._Like Leah's will be soon.." _

"You love her, don't you?" She asks me.

"Nessie … things with Leah are complicated." I tell her because honestly I have no idea how to even explain Leah or if my feelings are valid and real. That I'm still not just using her to fill a void because I need to feel something and she let me.

"I guess I just figured when I … now that I am .. grown? It would be me and you." She tells me.

"Nessie your still a child, just trapped in this … " I waive my hands at her body, because I'm not good at this. I'm good with Nessie who was a child, in a child's body. Someone who I loved as a protector and a brother not as a lover.

"I was never going to stay a child." Anger flashes in her eyes and it imprints inside me as I take it in. It's like swallowing a bitter pill.

"I know." I move towards her, wanting to pull her into my arms and sooth her down. "I will always love you Nessie, you are my imprint. That will never change."

"I don't want your forced love." She throws bitter words back into my face. It takes its toll against my soul and I grab her hand, dragging her from the piano bench and next to me. My arms circle around her, she stiffens against my hold. I take comfort she is still shorter than me, that my head can still tower over her. I press my lips on top of her head. "I am bonded to you in a way no one can understand. So I am here, asking you to not break that bond." Her arms tighten around me, she allows herself to just fall into my hug now.

And I mean every word. I don't want to lose her.

"Ok." She says softly, lips moving against my chest. I hold her tighter, relief washing through me at the fear of losing my imprint. I know one day I will have to make a choice but tonight I don't.

"Now I believe you." She tells me, I pull from her and look down into her eyes. "I can see your thoughts, like tiny little blocks building an image. It was of me." I don't even know how to digest this but I don't question it. Her powers, they have manifested. Not only can she make you see things through her touch but now she can see your thoughts through it as well. "Sorry … I noticed it yesterday when I hugged my dad. I'm not sure how to control it yet." She tries to smile.

"It's okay." I assure her, forcing my lips into a smile.

"Nessie, I need to speak to Jacob." And on queue she is back to being this child and looks like she was just caught with her hand in the jar as she looks down at the ground with her father walking in on us.

"Rennesme."He says her name again but she is bold or already entering her defiance stage and lifts up on her toes and kisses me on the cheek before walking out.

Soon as there was no sight of her I turned my eyes to him.

"Jacob you can't do this to her." His arms cross over his chest, his tall lean frame leaning against the open door frame.

"Don't you think I know that? It's not that simple, she is my imprint in case you forgot!" I try to talk low, remembering we are in a house full of supernatural creatures.

"I did what you asked. Now I'm asking you to let Nessie go, let her find love and make her own choice. Do not take this away from her." He isn't asking me now, he is threatening me."She is barely hanging on to first place inside your heart, Leah is there biting at her ankles."

"No, I told you to keep Leah safe while I was protecting your daughter! You brought her back to simply clear your own conscious because you failed! Not me!" My voice raises, the anger inside me elevates to a new level. If I was honest it was at myself because its' not simple anymore, Nessie is grown now and Leah is a part of me even if I can't put a label on it.

"And I will not walk away from Nessie unless she sends me away. She is my imprint, I don't need your blessing and she doesn't either." I walk past him out the room, my shoulder hitting his just to prove my point.

"Then why did you sleep with Leah? Why ask me to protect her and no one else?" He turns around to follow me out the room.

My legs lock up and I turn around to face him, "Get out of my head leech." I hiss at him. "It wasn't your head; it was Leah's when I found her bleeding to death that told me that." He fires back in a calm demeanor that only aggravates me even more.

"_She thought of me…. Leah.."_

"I will make this easy then, goodbye Jacob." I turn back around to find Leah there, "Its better if you let everyone believe I am still dead. I will be soon enough either way." She says calmly with no emotion. She turns around and before I can even say her name, she finds her new vampire speed and leaves nothing but a picture falling to the ground.

I go to pick it up, looking at an image I already know. when I flip it over though I find a picture taped to its backside. It's a picture cut in half, it's of me. I know this picture; it's one of me and Bella from La Push. Her friend Angela took it. I had long hair and Bella was still human.

She must have found it here and cut Bella out of it.

"Leah." I whisper her name.


	5. It's not You

It's been two weeks since Leah left. She ignored my calls, now all I get is a dial tone.

"_Sorry you have reached a number that is no longer in service." _It's like a bad song stuck on repeat inside my head. I wonder if her heart finally stopped and there is no warmth left inside her skin. If I will ever even feel her again, see her again. I wish I never had left her bed. I should had stayed and keep her safe.

…_."I have to go." I whisper to her, her body shaking beneath mine. This time it was softer, in her bed and I focused on her. I took something from her that Sam didn't. I feel ashamed she let me with no remorse, so in some fucked up way I wanted to make it right by doing it better this time. _

"_I know." Her voice is husky and she manages to bring her hands up against my face. Her fingers are like fire but I find it comforting. Her eyes are less empty but I know there is some regret in there, in what we just did. _

_I can see the wheels turning inside her head. I know she is thinking clearer now and maybe even hates herself for allowing to me to use her. Or did I? Maybe I am the one over reacting._

"_Leah … I didn't know…" My eyes fix on hers but she responds with pressing her lips up against mine again. _

"_I don't regret it. You made me feel … something."_ ….

"Jacob." And just like that Leah is pushed away. Cold fingers move like spider legs against my fur. I watch her move with pose and grace as she sits on her knees in front of me. Those icy hands take my wolf face and I let her as she still captivates my eyes, holds my attention while the background memories fades away.

Her hands follow suit behind my ears, rubbing me as the tip of her nose touches my cold wet one.

It's easy to be with her like this, me as a wolf. The lines are less blurred and I feel like things are back in place, me as her protector and older brother. Not as a man that she looks at with adult eyes, wanting adult things.

"So I'm either a child or a wonton?" Her words hit me as a bit odd, my Nessie doesn't say things like that.

Her eyes harden and her face pulls back, she can see my thoughts. I just wish I could see hers right now to better understand everything. She gives me a half cocked smile which means she isn't fighting with me, just accepting that I'm still adjusting.

"Baby steps then. I'm not seven anymore Jacob so let's start with calling me Rennesme. Maybe that will help." She tells me. _Ok … I can deal with this._

"Race you?" She questions me and before I can even reply she takes off.

Somewhere between the middle of the forest and her family's backyard her shoes got lost and so did her jacket. I came up behind her, passing her at last minute and she fumbles over me. Those legs still not use to her new speed.

My own body phases out and I'm not sure why I did, but with her on top of me in just regular jeans and plain t-shirt she looks more reachable. Her hair a tangled mess swaying over her shoulders she looks almost human. Her face lights up and I almost forget the cold chill of her body against mine. My hand slides up the side of her face and I forget I don't hear a heartbeat.

Her lips forget to smile and she leans down, I meet her half way and brush mine against her. The imprint pulls me into a false lure of wanting because as soon as her tongue strokes mine I pull away and roll her off me. _This is wrong... it's not the same … not like when I kiss Leah… _

I phase back into my wolf and take off.

"_Leah where are you?" _

…

I look at the beach, it's late and no one should be out here but there is one person who looks frozen in time.

Sue Clearwater.

She just stands there is silence clutching onto a piece of material I'm not familiar with. Maybe something from Leah or Seth? The wind picks up and I can feel the salt in the wind all around me as I keep to the shadows behind trees. I haven't phased back out yet since I left Nessie because … I don't know why.

Right now it's just easier to be a wolf then human.

Her hair moves with the wind, splitting against her neck and becoming lost in the dark. I have no idea what she is feeling right now. I wish I could give her back what she has lost but I can't. Seth is gone and perhaps Leah is right and it's best everyone thinks she is dead. No one knows about her but me and the Cullen's.

The thin piece of fabric comes loose from her hands and I see a solid color of red peek through the night sky and I know it! It's a red scarf Leah use to wear … long before she phased. Sue moves after it but the wind is cruel and keeps it from her, landing it softly into the water. I move out into the opening. I'm not sure why, I know she hates me right now but it feels right.

To do this.

I get to it before she does, holding it in my mouth I walk back to her. The sand sticks to my paws and the water makes my fur feel like ice for a second against my legs and snout. She reaches for it and I whine in a submissive manner towards her.

"They said there wasn't a body. I think they are wrong. Leah was smarter than any of them. I just know … I feel it inside my heart that she figured out a way. That she is still out there and no one is looking for my baby!" Her voice grows into a crying scream.

I move towards her, nudging her hand with my head and she falls to her knees. Grabbing fist full's of my fur she pulls me face to face with her, those tiny human eyes locking on mine. She looks frail and moments like this remind me humans do exist and it's not all supernatural creatures in this world, my world.

"I wasn't a good mother. I should had been there for her, understood her pain better. I should have put her first … not the tribe." Her voice chokes as she tries to gain back some strength and pride.

Her hands drop from my face and she just turns to face the water, her head leaning against the side of my body as I sit next to her in the sand. "I don't hate you Jacob." She whispers softly and does make this a bit easier.

I let Sue lean on me, cry against me and when she was done I let her walk away with some pride still intact. I didn't make a move to follow her, to phase and talk to her. I just let her lean on me because I owed her that.

* * *

"Really? This is impressive…"

Expensive high heels crush glass bottles in their way and her way to perfect blonde hair stays in place as she moves across the floor. I don't bother to get up, the world is spinning and everything inside me hurts as I lay face down on the sofa.

I don't sleep, I don't eat. My appetite has been shot to hell because it doesn't know what the hell it wants now – blood or food?

So I stick with something I find I can keep down and it goes by the name Captain Morgan or Johnny Walker. Variety is the spice of life after all.

"I didn't give you all that money to end up like a piece of trash on the side of a road. You were suppose to run, start over and figure out your new path." Her voice is like daggers inside my head.

Groaning I move to sit up and glare at her, "I didn't ask for it."

"You didn't turn it down either." She snaps back.

"Why are you here Barbie?"

"I like to keep an eye on things that interest me." She replies back with a smug look on her face. "Ireland is nice though, though I think Paris or Italy would suit you better."

"Didn't know you cared leech?"

"I don't, but I know you are like me. Bitter and angry as hell at the world and that makes you twisted and dangerous." She insults me with the truth and now all I want to do is wipe that look off her face. I move to get up but she quickly dominates me, her foot planting itself in the middle of my chest. Force keeping me pinned against the sofa.

"You haven't feed yet and I don't even know how you are still moving. Your body is weak and the only thing I can think of that is keeping you alive as you can be is the shifter blood still running through your body. You need to feed before you make a wrong move and have an eternity to regret something."

"Get off me bitch before I rip you apart."

"Make me." She hisses at me and all I got is one good push and have her off me for a moment. But it's only a moment and now she has me against a wall with an icy cold hand wrapped around my neck.

"All it's going to take is the right person in the wrong place and you will break. And when you do come apart, you are going to be out of control. So stop wallowing in self pity and eat!"

"I have no desire! I don't even know what the hell I am. I shouldn't have a heartbeat now but it's still there. And why the hell do you care so much? You owe me nothing."

"I was you bitch, still am. I just thought you were smarter than this, I guess I was wrong."

"What the hell does that mean?" I snap back at her, every fiber inside me is twitching in pain mixed with rage.

"You still have a beating heart, your body is fighting the venom or adapting to it. Either way – you get a choice in what you become now while the rest of us didn't. So you can either feed to live or you can turn into a drunk who will dye probably by choking on your own vomit and then if by some miracle the venom takes over you will be a full vampire. There will be no choice."

Her hand lets go of my neck and my body hits the floor. Her words hit me in a harder way.

"We hunt in an hour."

….

Everything around me is a blur and the only thing I have left to focus on is the pain living inside my body and constant treat of vomit uprising from my stomach.

Rosalie is breaking me on purpose and I have had enough. Finally I drop to my knees and remember to breathe right again. It's slow and ragged, like I am struggling. It was easier when I stayed on the sofa and just drank myself into oblivion.

So far she has shoved two rabbits down my throat while she has taken down much larger game for herself.

I'm not sure if my stomach preferred the blood or raw meat? I don't know what is more dominating right now – vampire or wolf? Technically I should be dead or a full fledge vampire not stuck in this limbo hell waiting for one to outweigh the other.

"How do you feel now? Wolf or vampire?" She asks me, licking the remaining blood from her lips. I want to rip her head off and burn her to the ground. Too bad I can't catch my breath right now.

"Rather you admit it or not you know I am right – that this did help. You know you feel more settled and apart of you is content. The chase, the hunt and the act of it all is soothing to your natural instinct rather it's wolf or vamp now."

"And look – no lovely townsfolk had to die."

"Fuck you Barbie." I finally grit my teeth and lunge at her, tackling her down and this time keeping her pinned beneath me. She smiles up at me, "See." She hisses at me, rolling us around with her on top.

"And my name is Rosalie. Learn it." And with that, she gets off me and makes way back into some vase empty mountain side of Irelands that has been untouched by man in many years. I just lay there and let her words sink into my head. I do feel better, more at ease.

I will fight this.

"Thank you."


End file.
